Week 37: The World Hates Me

Day:  258        Verses Memorized:  681          Working On:  John 16
The John Squad
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My Progress:
15 Chapters down.  I can't believe I made it this far.  I feel like I'm in the home stretch and the verses have been coming so easily to me.  The chapters have been getting shorter, so it keeps me motivated because I can see how much progress I'm making.  I've been aiming to do a chapter a week, but I'm not sure I'll make that goal for this week, since 16 is 33 verses and seems a little difficult.  But I'll certainly give it my best shot.  I am just so thrilled to have come this far.  I actually believe that this can be done now and I no longer have feelings of doubt.  However, I do understand that after I "finish", I will never truly be done.  As soon as I memorize the last verse, I am going to need to spend a few solid months in serious review.  Chapter 6 is still a killer and I know that a few other chapters have gotten rusty.  But my plan for now is to go full-steam ahead to the end and then go back and review for as long as it takes me until I can recite the entire thing from start to finish.

Some Thoughts:
"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.  If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own.  As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world."  What an honor to be hated by the world!  Lately, I have been feeling more and more that I do not belong to this world.  Just flipping through a couple channels on TV, I want nothing to do with this place.  What a privilege to be chosen out of this world.  I don't care if this world hates me.  I am a citizen of heaven and just passing through.

"I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.  You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit - fruit that will last."  How on earth do you wrap your brain around that one?!  First of all, Jesus is calling me His friend?  Secondly, He has chosen me?  How desperately unworthy I am.

Twice in this chapter, Jesus gives the command to love each other.  And countless times He has said that if we love Him, we are to obey his teaching.  Most of this chapter is about remaining in Him so that we can obey His commands and share in His joy.  It still infuriates me when I choose to disobey and do not act in love.  I fall often.  I don't know why He keeps holding up His end of the deal when I have failed so miserably so many times. 

I am one little branch, but I am clinging onto the vine with all my might.

Week 36: Do I Really Love Him?

Day:  251          Verses Memorized:  654          Working On:  Ch.15

The John Squad
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My Progress:
I completed Chapter 14 this week.  I am extremely pleased with my progress.  However, these chapters are growing a little more difficult, because Jesus is doing a long narrative and I sometimes get stuck so easily.  I was hoping to be able to do one chapter per week for a while, but I may fall short of that goal.  (Alright, I may as well admit it... My "official" goal was to complete this project in 2 years.  My unofficial secret goal was to do it within a year.  There I said it.  I was a coward and made a wimpy goal so that I wouldn't be disappointed if I made a challenging goal and failed.)  Either way, I am happy to have only 7 chapters to go and I have renewed energy and motivation.  People must be praying for me.

Some Thoughts:
14:15 "If you love me, you will obey what I command."
14:21 "Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me."
14:23 "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching."

Yikes!  Do I love Him or not?  I sure do like to think that I love Him, but how about that obedience...

Amazing Truth:  "On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you."  That just struck me as totally awesome.  First off, because it took me probably an hour just to get that one verse straight, I had some extra time to really think about its meaning.  So many verses in the Bible talk about how Jesus is in the Father.  But these ones got my attention because it talks about how we are in Him and He is in us.  It's just neat to think that we are that important to Him, and we share such an intimate relationship.

Most Encouraging Verses Ever: 
"You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."  Don't misunderstand and think that means we can ask Him for whatever the heck we want.  Clearly, if we ask anything that is in the Father's will, He will do it.  Time to figure out what is in the Father's will so we can ask!

"But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you."  Hooray!!  So ten years from now, the Holy Spirit will remind me of all 21 chapters of the Book of John and I will be able to recite them flawlessly.  How nice to have a Counselor to help us remember things.  Now, if He would just remind me where I put my car keys once in a while...

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you."  Does that sound awesome or what?!

"Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  I know that one is easier said than done, but it is still nice to hear Jesus say it.  They guy who speaks for Jesus on my Bible on CD does an outstanding job and there is something so soothing about his voice.  With the craziness and evil in this world, I find it so comforting to just sit and listen to chapter after chapter of this book and reflect on Jesus' life of love that He gave for us.

"The prince of this world is coming.  He has no hold on me..."  I just think it's so awesome how Jesus was totally in control the entire time, even when people thought He was completely defeated.  How He was able to humble Himself in such a way is beyond me.  I can't imagine submitting to evil the way He did in order to save me while I was still evil! 

I am looking forward to memorizing the next couple of chapters.  I am feeling more and more of Jesus' distress as the hour is approaching, but the really difficult verses don't come until around chapter 19.  I am still worried about memorizing those ones, but I reckon I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

Week 35: Really Dirty Feet

Day:  244          Verses Memorized:  623          Working On:  Review

The John Squad
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My Progress:
I am finished with Chapter 13 and will move onto Chapter 14 after a couple days of review.  I was hoping that I might be able to do about a chapter a week now that these last several chapters are all around 30 verses.  However, I glanced over the next couple chapters and it seems that Jesus is doing an awful lot of theological talking which seems like it will be hard to remember.  Sometimes I have a hard time connecting the ideas in my head so it requires a lot of extra time and study to really understand what is being said. 

Some Thoughts:
I just can't get over the way in which Jesus treats Judas in this chapter.  He has known all along who was going to betray Him.  He knew right from the beginning.  Yet, none of the disciples had any clue, which leads me to believe that Jesus treated Judas just like all the rest, with nothing but love and respect.  In this chapter, Judas is still present during the washing of the disciples' feet.  Can you imagine stooping down to wash the feet of the man who was about to betray you?  And going further, after Jesus' heart becomes troubled and He begins talking about being betrayed, He dips the bread in the dish and gives it to Judas.  I never thought that much of this verse - I always thought it was just His little symbolic way of pointing out who the traitor would be.  But in my studies, I have learned that dipping bread in a dish and giving it to someone indicates a high honor and respect for the person.  Jesus was humbling Himself and honoring JUDAS! 

"A new command I give you:  Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another."  Another verse I have known for most of my life.  But after meditating on these past few chapters and gaining a deeper understanding of what His love is really all about, I am realizing how vastly far I fall short of this command.  I can't imagine loving anyone to depth that Jesus has loved me.  

"Then Jesus answered, 'will you really lay down your life for me?'"  I can't help but see the paradox here.  Peter is promising to Jesus that he will lay down his life, when really, in about 24 hours, it would be the complete opposite.

"My children, I will be with you only a little longer".  Just a few short chapters ago, Jesus was telling the Jews this exact same statement.  I just love how He adds "my children" and talks to His disciples with such love and leadership.  Even as His own heart is troubled and He is about to face the most awful death and rejection, He is ministering to His disciples rather than focusing on Himself.  Astonishing.

"Where I am going, you cannot follow now, but you will follow later."  Again, just a few short chapters ago, He said the same thing to the Jews only with a different ending.  "I am going away, and you will look for me, and you will die in your sin.  Where I go, you cannot come."  8:21.  So the Jews will look for Him and die in their sin because they cannot come where He is going.  But His disciples, while they cannot follow now, will follow later.  I am happy to be among the disciples who will follow later rather than one of the Jews and die in my sin!

As I reflect on this chapter and see Jesus' humility and servanthood, I am in awe once again even just catching a glimpse of who He is.  I just can't comprehend this kind of service and ministry to others, especially ones like Judas.  I am beyond thankful that Jesus chooses to wash my feet even though I betray Him each time I sin. 

Thankyou, Jesus. 

Week 34: Now is the Time

Day:  237          Verses Memorized:  585          Working On:  Review

The John Squad
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My Progress:
I loved Chapter 12.  I am excited that memorizing is coming much easier and am hoping that I'll be able to keep up my pace.  I'll spend a couple days reviewing previous chapters and will start Chapter 13 by the end of the week.

Some Thoughts:
"Now is the time for judgment on this world.  Now the prince of this world will be driven out."  Such bittersweet words.  As the hymn goes, "did e'er such love and sorrow meet or thorns compose so rich a crown."  Time for judgment.  And every ounce of God's wrath would be poured out on his perfect, sinless Son.  He would receive all of it.  God's wrath would be exhausted.  How awful, terrible, sad, and unfair for our Savior!  How wonderful, awesome, amazing, and glorious for us!

I am so thankful that I have been chosen to walk in the light.  Why I sometimes desire to take a stroll in the darkness is beyond me.  How I can take this phenomenal sacrifice for granted and despise God with my sin sickens me. 

"Isaiah said this because he saw Jesus' glory and spoke about him."  I have been attending a Bible Study and we are learning about God's Holiness.  We studied this very passage in Isaiah 6 where Isaiah saw God in His holiness and was overwhelmed.  His response was, "Woe is me, for I am a man of unclean lips."  "Woe is me" literally means, "I am undone" or "disintegrated."  We are so unworthy to even be in the presence of such a holy God.  Can you imagine?  When we even catch a glimpse of His perfection, we immediately realize our own imperfection and basically, we're put in our place.  Who do I think I am, anyway! 

I'm really beginning to see Jesus' submission to the Father as I've memorized this chapter.  What a perfect example of what my own attitude should be.

Onto Chapter 13...
I'm thankful to be on this journey but I am also afraid of what lies ahead.

Week 33: A Kernel of Wheat Falls to the Ground

Day:  230          Verses Memorized:  566          Working On:  John 12

The John Squad
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My Progress:
This week I reviewed every previous chapter and was pleasantly surprised at how easily I could recite each one after only a short time of practice.  However, I officially declare myself "Chapter Sixphobic."  At any rate, because God has super-motivated me lately and my review went well, I decided to go ahead and start memorizing Chapter 12.  So I'm pretty good with the first 30 verses and plan to finish that this week.  This is the longest chapter left, so after this week, they should start to go rather quickly (I hope).  However, while they are shorter in length, I believe they will be more difficult emotionally.  But we'll just take one verse at a time. 

Some Thoughts:
I have many favorite verses from this chapter already and I'm only halfway through.  First of all, the coolest thing about this chapter comes in the first verse, "six days before the Passover, Jesus arrived at Bethany, where Lazarus lived..."  Now, I had just spent a week memorizing how Lazarus died.  It took me extra time to get down the parts where the mourners are comforting Mary and Martha.  Large crowds were gathering to weep at the loss of Lazarus.  Then this week, I decided to skim over Chapter 12 to see what was ahead and the first thing I read, "...where Lazarus lived"!  God just continues to show me how He can transform anything:  water to wine, blindness to sight, sin to righteousness, and death to life.

My next favorite verse of this chapter, "and the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume."  I love this story of how Mary pours perfume on Jesus' feet.  And I love how John adds this detail about how the house was filled with its fragrance.  Just another beautiful picture of love that John adds to his Gospel that never ceases to overwhelm me.

This is an amazing chapter.  Jesus is preparing for his death and nobody understands what's going on.  He is entering Jerusalem but receiving half-hearted, thrill-seeking praise rather than true commitment.  I know the Father was always with Him, but I often wonder if He felt alone.  Crowds upon crowds of people, but nobody truly believing in Him.  Twelve devoted disciples, but none of them really understanding Him. 

Jesus sure had a way of painting pictures with His words.  "Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed.  But if it dies, it produces many seeds." 

It makes me sad to read, "now my heart is troubled".  How dare I ever take His sacrifice for granted.
 

Week 32: Lazarus, come out!

Day:  223          Verses Memorized:  536          Working On:  Review 1-11

The John Squad

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My Progress:

Chapter 11 is done!  I am astonished that I was able to memorize this entire 57 verse chapter in one week.  I worked intensely the past several days and am proud of this accomplishment.  Initially, I had been intimidated by this chapter because it is rather long with a lot of dialogue, so I was thrilled when it all came very easily to me.  It was definitely a God-thing.  Once again, I am going to commit myself to a week of review.  I am going to resist the temptation to peek at Chapter 12 and will spend significant time this week reviewing previous chapters.  I really mean it.  That's what I'm going to do.  For real.  Review time.

 

 

 

Some Thoughts:

I love Jesus.  He just gets more and more amazing as I memorize each chapter.  His power and authority over life, death, and everything in between is something my mind is just unable to grasp. I can't imagine being there that day, watching a dead man walk out of his tomb. The joy of that reunion must have been remarkable.  My absolute favorite verse of this chapter:  "Take off the grave clothes and let him go."  11:44.  I guess the reason I like it so much is because I know that I was dead to sin and lying in my tomb.  Then came Jesus, my knight in shining armor, calling me out.  He freed me from death, removed my grave clothes, clothed me in His righteousness and gave me life.  (As I proofread this paragraph, I see a lot of "Christian-ese" and realize that many, including myself, have probably said words similar to these zillions of times.  But for me, this time, it's vastly different.  I have a connection with my Savior now that is unparalleled to any relationship I've had in the past.  Each word and verse takes on new significance as He reveals Himself to me in deeper and more meaningful ways.  He has truly opened my eyes after living in blindness.  What a wonderful Savior.)

I'm sad that as I move on to Chapter 12, I have reached the end of Jesus' public ministry and am standing at the beginning of the passion.  I am really not looking forward to memorizing the next several chapters, but I know that God still has a lot of learning and growing in store for me.  I know that He wants me to do this and I will continue in obedience and pray that He will keep guiding me as I go along.

This Thanksgiving I have more to be thankful for than ever before.

 

 

 

 

Week 31: 10 Chapters and Counting

Day:  216          Verses Memorized:  479          Working On:  Beginning Ch. 11

The John Squad

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My Progress:
Ten Chapters down.  Oh yeah!  This experience has been somewhat of a rollercoaster.  Some days, I am thrilled with my achievement and give all the glory to God for allowing me to have this ability and opportunity to treasure His words.  Other days, I am completely overcome with frustration and disappointment.  The voice that started out in the beginning as a whisper is now frequently deafening as it screams constantly in the back of my mind, "pointless, you'll never remember all this, you've already forgotten so much, why bother with this..."  I get angry with myself when I begin to listen to this voice more and more.  I get angry with the enemy for putting stumbling blocks in my path.  And while it pains me deeply to say it, I sometimes get angry with God for not allowing it to be easier.  Nevertheless, I press onward and begin Chapter 11 this week.  I am incredibly intimidated by its length and amount of dialogue.  And as always, I need to spend more time reviewing previous chapters. 

 

Some Thoughts:
Chapter 10 is now right up there as one of my favorites.  Jesus is just so awesome in this chapter.  He talks about His amazing power but in the context of His unfailing love for us.  I love the part where He says, "The reason my father loves me is that I lay down my life - only to take it up again.  No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord.  I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again."  I spent a long time meditating on those verses.

This chapter just makes it crystal clear that Jesus willingly chose to lay His life down for us.  He says twice in this chapter that He lays down His life for the sheep.  No matter how many times I practiced or recited these verses, I always had to pause and take a breath for a moment.  These are not words to be glossed over or said quickly for the sake of reviewing a chapter memorized.  These words are the foundation of everything in which I believe.  Jesus laid down His life for me. 

• I'm thankful that the Word became flesh and dwelt among us.  (Ch. 1)
• I'm thankful that Jesus turns my lousy, tasteless water into sweet and wonderful wine.  (Ch. 2)
• I'm thankful that I will never perish but have everlasting life.  (Ch. 3)
• I'm thankful that He gives me living water so that I shall never be thirsty.  (Ch. 4)
• I'm thankful that He heals me at the pool even when I don't even know I'm broken.  (Ch. 5)
• I'm thankful that He provides me with bread of life so that my spirit will never hunger.  (Ch. 6)
• I'm thankful that He has sent the Holy Spirit to guide me through this life.  (Ch. 7)
• I'm thankful that He forgives my deepest sin and looks on me with love.  (Ch. 8)
• I'm thankful that He opens my blind eyes.  (Ch. 9)

And...

• I'm so thankful that He lays down His life for the sheep.  (Ch. 10)

Week 30: The Good Shepherd

Day:  209    Verses Memorized:  460    Working On:  Finalizing Ch. 10

The John Squad
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My Progress:
I was so hoping to finish Chapter 10 this week but I didn't quite make it there.  I am back on track after Hurricane Sandy and have been more consistent in studying each night.  There is one paragraph in this chapter that I am having a heck of a time memorizing, but I'm getting through it.  I thought Chapter 10 would go very quickly, so I'm a little frustrated that it took me this long to learn it.  Unfortunately, I allowed myself to glance through Chapter 11 and I am terrified as it is completely filled with dialogue.  Argh!

Some Thoughts:
I just love the image of the Good Shepherd.  I have raised all sorts of animals throughout my life, so I can definitely relate to the metaphor that Jesus is using.  I've never raised sheep, but we've had goats, chickens, and pigs.  The pig is freshest in my mind right now since we just butchered it last weekend.  Here are some thoughts about "Hammy" as I relate her to my own Christian walk.  (Now who else has a blog where they compare pig farming with spiritual growth!  ...Only here, folks!)

• First of all, we obtained the pig for a purpose.  We had a plan for it from the very beginning.
• We cared for the pig.  We knew what was best for her.
• We faithfully met the pig's needs whether she thanked us or not.
• When she kicked her water over ten times a day, we would refill it 11 times.
• When she got hot in the middle of summer, we made her a mudbath pool.
• It gave us joy to watch her grow and enjoy the environment we had made for her.
• When that stinking pig got out of the fence, we chased it all around the neighborhood to get her back where she belonged.  And even though she was pretty angry with us, she felt better once she got back inside the safety of her fence.

I've never raised sheep before, but I know from my Pastor's sermons a lot about them.  First of all, they're just so darn stupid and completely dependent upon the shepherd for everything.  They wander all over the place with no sense to the dangers around them.  It's easy to sit here and be a human being looking down on them.  I feel so "superior" to them.  It's a little harder to look at it the other way and realize that I am the sheep and Jesus is my shepherd.  Even when I think I know what I'm doing, I'm really wandering aimlessly.  And even though I feel like I'm in control of things, it's really God who is providing for me.

I'm so thankful for His patience and how He watches over me.  I love how this chapter says again and again "and I lay down my life for the sheep."  It's just the most beautiful picture of His love for us.

All I know is, I never would've laid down my life for that darn pig...

Week 29: A Slight Interruption

Day:  202          Verses Memorized:  450          Working On:  John 10:1-21

The John Squad
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My Progress:
I managed to memorize another few verses this week.  I had a few good runs on the treadmill earlier in the week and made some decent progress.  However, hurricane Sandy hit us pretty hard and we have been without power (heat, water, lights) for the entire week.  This is a measly excuse; I surely could have studied more than I did.  I'm going to get back on track this week whether we have power or not.

Some Thoughts:
I'm really enjoying memorizing Chapter 10.  At least so far, it's fairly easy to memorize and I love the metaphor of Jesus being the Good Shepherd.

This week, more of my thoughts were focused on God's amazing power.  During the hurricane, we saw things unlike anything we had ever seen in our lives.  As the wind was roaring through the yard and we were watching the trees topple over like dominoes, I couldn't stop thinking about Jesus in the boat.  Even the wind and the waves obey Him.  I can't imagine being there that day when He calmed the storm instantly.  Either way, whether Jesus is asleep in the hold or awake on deck, I am just so thankful that He's on my boat!!

Week 28: Baaaa

Day:  195          Verses Memorized:  442          Working On:  John 10:1-21

The John Squad
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My Progress:
My review week did not go well.  Sometimes I spend a week reviewing and I'm committed and diligent in spending serious time looking over previous chapters.  Other times (like this time), review just means I don't have the pressure of moving forward so in my laziness, it translates to "taking a break".  One day I spent almost 2 hours reciting all 9 chapters.  Then I did nothing for 3 days.  After that, I got disgusted with my lack of motivation and decided I had to move on to Chapter 10.  So I just went ahead and memorized the first 5 verses.  At least I can say I accomplished something this week.  On a more positive note, I am enjoying Chapter 10 and look forward to learning more.

Some Thoughts:
I'm only five verses in, so I'm not totally blown away yet, but it doesn't take a genius to realize that this chapter is very rich indeed.  I can see already the depth of Jesus' words and that one could probably spend years studying this chapter alone.

Addtional Thoughts:
I am no longer allowed to listen to the Bible CD while I am operating a motor vehicle.
Let's just leave it at that. 

Week 27: HALF WAY!

Day:  188          Verses Memorized:  437          Working On:  Review

 

The John Squad
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Halfway!  Wahooo!

I am so beyond thrilled that I've made it halfway.  I'm about 6 months ahead of schedule.  I have to admit, when I started all this, I had some serious doubts.  Looking back, last April I would've been so proud of myself if I had learned over 400 verses.  But after going through this experience, I do not have an ounce of pride.  I have 100% grattitude to God for enabling me to do this.  I can't take a shred of credit for a single verse I've learned.  It is by His grace that I was given the time required to spend in His Word.  And it is by His love for me that my mind and heart were able to receive these verses.  I am so grateful because not only do I remember them, but I have learned and grown from them and my life is vastly different as a result.

 

 

Chapter 9:

Week 26: This is REALLY Hard

Day:  181          Verses Memorized:  430          Working On:  John 9:35-41

The John Squad
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My Progress:
I am moving right along and almost finished with Chapter 9.  Hopefully I will polish that up this week and be able to set aside another week for review.  Unfortunately, the further into the book I go, the harder it is to remember previous chapters.  I am getting all mixed up.  I had the opportunity of being in the car by myself this week so I tried to listen to the CD and was disappointed with how many mistakes I was making.  Chapter 6 is just treacherous.  Chapters 1, 2, 3, and most of 4 are great.  Then it's all downhill from there.  I just wonder where all these verses will be in 10 years.  But each day has enough trouble of its own, right?  So I will continue to focus on spending time memorizing each day and celebrate my victories.

Some Thoughts:
I think that this chapter is right up there as one of my favorites (which is surprising because initially I was aggravated that it was 41 verses of a single healing story).  I still love Chapter 2 because we see Jesus' power revealed.  And I love this chapter because we see how life-changing that power can be.  This is one of those chapters that is just so rich with truth and promises of God's love.  I truly never would've even noticed if I hadn't take the time to memorize it line by line.  Earlier, I would've read through this chapter and thought, "okay so Jesus healed a blind man."  But now that I've memorized it, I am in awe at how many observations God has shown me. 

• Jesus performs a miraculous healing of a man born blind.
• The healing requires initial faith and obedience (the man has to go and wash).
• Immediately people begin to doubt his testimony.
• My favorite verse:  "whether he is a sinner or not, I don't know.  One thing I do know.  I was blind but now I see!"
• The man doesn't provide any answers.  He just tells his story.
• He suffers for his beliefs and is thrown out of the synogogue after they hurl insults at him.
• Jesus seeks him out a second time and reveals himself to the man.
• The man immediately replies, "Lord, I believe" and worships him.  (I love that part.)

I just love, love this man.  Unlike the guy at the pool in Chapter 5, this man embraces Jesus and acknowledges Him as his Savior.  What a beautiful picture of how Jesus heals our broken lives.  How He heals our blindness and gives us sight.  How He pursues us and desires to restore our hearts to a right relationship with the Father.  What a beautiful, beautiful story this is.  I am so thankful that my life and attitude have changed after memorizing it. 

Week 25: This is Hard

Day:  174          Verses Memorized:  408          Working On:  John 9:13-34

The John Squad
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My Progress:
It feels very good to be past 400 verses.  In another 35 verses or so, I'll be half way.  However, I am finding myself with less and less time and it's getting frustrating.  I get up at 4:30 so I can do my devotions, exercise, and shower before the children are up.  I try not to use my devotional time to memorize.  Then the day gets started and I run around like crazy.  At the end of the day, I am completely wiped out.  I am only spending between 15-30 minutes memorizing before I fall asleep with the book in my hand.  While I am still making steady progress as I work through Chapter 9, there has been zero review-time of previous chapters and I know that is not good.  But I'm doing the best I can.  I will keep moving forward and pause after each new chapter to review the old ones.  Hopefully that's enough.  That stinking voice has been getting louder.  The one that says, "why bother?  You're just going to forget all this one day anyway.  You think you're going to remember all these verses for the rest of your life?  What's the point?"  Oh how I hate that voice.

Some Thoughts:
I find this chapter very unusual.  In all the rest, there was a short story and then discussion.  In this one, the entire chapter is the ongoing story of the healing of a blind man.  Unfortunately, it makes it a very annoying chapter to memorize because there is so much stinking dialogue.  In the beginning, I was so aggravated and said, "this is ridiculous!  All this talk is so unnecessary.  Why is all this in here?"  My husband helped to put things in perspective and reminded me that this is God's Word.  Who the heck do I think I am?

My Pastor believes that extra time is spent on this story because it illustrates a change in the people's thinking.  During this chapter, they go from believing/unbelieving to downright rejecting Jesus.  All the dialogue and discussion shows the lengths that the people will go through to remain in their unbelief.  Despite all the evidence, they insist on not believing.  It's actually a little disturbing to memorize and it brings me back to my initial fears when I first started this project.  I have been worried about memorizing the details of the crucifixion since I started and if this chapter bothers me, I'm really not looking forward to what is to come.

Sometimes when we read, we have a tendency to glaze over things.  Especially when the text itself glosses over it.  For example, there is a major miracle that has occurred here.  This man was blind since birth.  And the miracle that takes place is mentioned briefly in 1/2 of a verse:  "so the man went and washed and came home seeing."  I just can't imagine that!  I mean, I've spoken to people who have had Lasik before and their testimonies are remarkable.  They say there's a whole world that they hadn't been seeing.  And those people were not even initially blind!  Can you imagine being completely blind for your entire life and then having your eyes opened?  Amazing! 

At any rate, I can add another personality to my repertoire. I am definitely still the man at the pool, the adulterous woman, and a Pharisee. Now I get to be a blind man as well.

Indeed, I was spiritually blind.  And praise God, my eyes have been opened!

Week 24: Beginning Chapter 9

Day:  167          Verses Memorized:  396          Working On:  Ch.9

The John Squad
Please click here to chart your own progress - even though I'm the only one still doing this
My Progress:
This week was great.  I finally stuck to my plan of reviewing for the whole week and actually went over the first 8 chapters many, many times.  I had a lot of fun saying it along with the CD and was encouraged when I was able to polish up some mistakes without a lot of frustration.  This week, I will begin Chapter 9.

Reciting Chapter 8 from last week:

Week 23: Enough is Enough

Day:  160          Verses Memorized:  396          Working On:  Review (for real)

The John Squad
Please click here to chart your own progress - even though I'm the only one still doing this

My Progress:
Wahoo!  Chapter 8 is finished!  I can't believe I finally made it through.  However, this week I ended up breaking my "review" rule.  My time is so limited and if I reviewed previous chapters each day, I wouldn't have any time left for moving forward.  So this week, I am not allowed to move on to Chapter 9.  I am going to really take the entire week to go back and review all the other chapters.  For real this time.  I mean it.

Some Thoughts:
Enough is enough is enough already!  Seriously.  What is the matter with me?!

For weeks now (ever since Chapter 4, really) I have been wallowing in guilt and self-pity at my sin.  No more!

I remember a few weeks ago when I first began to memorize the story about the adulterous woman.  I was shocked at how I defended the woman's sin and took her side, when really there is never an excuse for sin. As time went on, I continued to feel more and more broken-hearted over my own sin. That's all fine and good; we ought to be broken-hearted about our sin. However, I was going down a road of frustration and defeat, feeling like a hopeless slave to my sin. (Certainly not feeling like I'm "more than a conqueror".)

Thank you, Lord, it hit me today.  (I'm not sure how something I already 'know' can 'hit me' again and again as if it's something new, but apparently that happens quite frequently.)  There I was, cooking through Chapter 8, (my favorite time, when I have the entire chapter memorized and I'm able to recite the whole thing from start to finish without messing up) and all of a sudden, the tears started to come.

John 8:10-11  Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they?  Has no one condemned you?"  "No one, sir," she said.  "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared.  "Go now and leave your life of sin."

Yes, He clearly tells the woman to leave her life of sin.  By no means does He condone what she has done.  But how on earth did I miss His beautiful love for this woman?!  How did I not see His tenderness and mercy in the way He treats her?  It's like I can hear His voice saying the words to her and they sound so sweet and kind.  Only our beautiful Savior could balance His hatred toward sin with the purest love for the sinner.

So, enough is enough!  Yes, Heidi, you are a sinner.  You are going to screw up time and time again.  Yes, your heart should break over your sin and lead to genuine repentance.  But then let's move on, for crying out loud!  Let's look at the bigger picture here!  Let's grab hold of the rest of the Gospel message!  Why have I not been rejoicing that these sins are completely wiped away and gone forever?  They have been paid for, bought, redeemed, cast away, removed; they are no longer here!  Praise God, I am no longer a slave and I am indeed more than a conqueror!  I am God's child and dagnabbit, He loves me!  So Heidi, let's not focus on your sin.  Let's focus on God's amazing, amazing love for you.  Let's look at what Jesus did and rejoice that there will come a day when you can stand in glory and enjoy a new heaven and a new earth where sin is no more. 

I hated being the guy at the Pool of Bethesda.  I love being the adulterous woman.  (That doesn't sound right, but you know what I mean, hehe.)  I love the picture of Jesus standing up so that He can be face to face with her, looking into her eyes and saying that she is forgiven.  My commentary says that the word "woman" was the same feeling as when He addressed Mary in Chapter 2.  It was an expression of respect and love.  And you know what, looking at both stories, Jesus treated each one with just as much love and mercy as the other. 

Time to stop dwelling on the guilt of my sin and start living in the victory I have over it because of Jesus and how much He loves me!   

Week 22: I am a Free Slave

Day:  153          Verses Memorized:  378          Working On:  John 8:42-47

The John Squad
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My Progress:
After cooking through Chapter 7, I was very pumped and motivated to begin Chapter 8.  That enthusiasm has now completely deflated and I am wearily trudging through the middle verses of this neverending chapter.  Why is it sometimes "Jesus replied" and then "Jesus said" and sometimes "Jesus declared".  Argh!  There is so much dialogue in this chapter and some of the thoughts seem disconnected to me, so it's very difficult to remember.  I am still holding to my own rule of reviewing at least one previous chapter per day.  While that has proven to be VERY discouraging, I refuse to jump on the negative bandwagon.  Onward onward onward.

Some Thoughts:
Last week I was feeling pretty down.  It seems every time I recognize how wretched a sinner I am, I learn something else and realize I am even more wretched than I thought before.  This week, I was faced with the verse, "Everyone who sins is a slave to sin."  Well that's just great.  So not only am I the jerk at the Bethesda Pool and a Pharisee, now I am a slave to sin.  In bondage.  Shackles and chains.

8:36  "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."  I have no choice but to cling to this verse with both hands as tightly as I can grasp.  I will be free.  He even says "indeed".  Thank you, Lord, for including the word "indeed".  I love that word.  You leave no room for doubt.  I will be free indeed.

God seems to have a way of using our Pastor to deliver certain messages at certain times.  Last year, when we got tired of cutting our neighbor's grass, we heard a message about how Jesus washed Judas' feet and how we are to serve our enemies in love.  We are still cutting her grass.  A few years ago, when we got sick of teaching Sunday School and felt entitled to a break, we heard a message on persevering and continuing to serve the body of Christ.  We are still teaching Sunday School.  Before that, we felt like we were struggling financially and deserved to keep a little extra cash for ourselves.  Then we heard a message on how the first 10% is God's, not ours.  We are still tithing 10%. 

So last week, I was feeling all sorry for my sinful self.  "Woe is me, I am such a sinner.  Look at me, the slave to sin..."  And wouldn't you know it, Pastor gives a message on obedience.  But wait one cotton-pickin' minute.  Not just any old normal "obeying" obedience.  This obedience was different.  This goes beyond doing what you're supposed to do.  He got right down the root of the matter - our heart.  Why obey?  Why?  What is the motive for obeying?  Seriously!  Ask yourself!  What is your motive for obeying?

This past Sunday morning, I learned that we are not to obey because we have to.  We shouldn't obey because we want to avoid guilt.  We shouldn't obey out of duty or obligation or because it's the right thing to do.  Our obedience is to be motivated by our LOVE for Jesus!  In other words, we should obey because we WANT to!

On first hearing this, I got very angry.  I was even more frustrated than ever.  I wiggled around in that pew thinking, "oh great, Pastor.  So first, I'm struggling with the awful reality that I am a slave to sin.  Now I've been trying my darndest to obey all week - and I was wrong for that too because my heart wasn't in the right stinking place!"

My week continued on and I faithfully rose from slumber at 4:30 to meet with the Lord.  I found myself just begging Him to change me.  And it wasn't the typical prayer, "dear Lord, help me to change my heart."  It was a desperate prayer of, "dear Lord, change my heart, because I am helpless!"  I can't do it.  I can't do anything.  Nothing!

Thankfully, after all this wrestling and struggle, I finally came to some comforting realizations.  Yes, I am a terrible sinner.  Yes, I can obey some of the time.  But no, I cannot obey all the time.  And if I do obey, my heart is often not in the right place, so it isn't really true obedience.  Seems like an impossible predicament?  No!  "If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."  I realize that I need to rely on Jesus for absolutely

E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G! 

Not only the strength and perseverance to resist temptation, but the desire and motivation to do so because of my deep love for my precious Savior!  I need to stop praying "Lord give me the strength to not gossip today" and start praying "Lord, make me love you more."  I need to stop praying "Jesus, help me to resist temptation" and start praying  "Jesus, make my love for you so deep and so strong that I can't even see temptation because my eyes are so focused on You." 

So I know I'm a terrible sinner.  I know how much I need Jesus.  I rejoice that the Son has set me free indeed.  From now on, I'm going to stop trying to "do" all the right things and start to fall in love with Jesus. 

 Dear Jesus, make me love you more.

Week 21: Sin Management

Day:  146          Verses Memorized:  357          Working On:  John 8:25-44

The John Squad
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My Progress:
4:30 in the morning - it's the only way...  In order to be able to exercise and spend time with the Lord before the family is in the mix, I have to get up at 4:30, and there's just no way around it.  This week I stayed committed to my promise that I will not start working on Chapter 8 for the day until after I have recited at least one previous chapter.  I find the review so annoying because I just want to keep making progress but of course, I understand the importance of not losing what I've already done!  I guess I'm not surprised that the verses I initially struggled with back when I first did them are the same verses I still stumble on now.  Chapter 6 is a killer.  But even though that voice creeps in my head sometimes, "Heidi, this is way too much - you're never going to be able to recite all of it", I am still going strong and refuse to give up.  This week was particularly hard as it was the first week of school.  My husband goes back to work teaching, and homeschooling is in full swing.  But like my Pastor always says, "God's Will will never lead you where His grace won't keep you."  And I am thankful that His grace is keeping me going ...even at 4:30 in the morning.

Some Thoughts:
Sin Management.  That pretty much sums up my life.  Just about everything I do has something to do with sin.  I am either sinning, experiencing consequences of sin, or cleaning up after someone else's sin.  Sin management!  My day looks like this:  a child sins, so the sibling responds in sin.  Being the strong Christian that I am, I keep a level head and patiently guide the children toward biblical behavior.  That lasts until about 7:30am.  The rest of the day goes like this:  a child sins, the sibling sins, I completely lose my patience and respond to them both in sin.  We spend the rest of the day dealing with the consequences of all our sin:  Punishments, bad moods, hurt feelings, regretful words spoken, sometimes physical injury, and while I am ashamed to admit, an occasional hole in the wall.

I am just SO SICK OF SIN!! 

The reason I am thinking about this is Chapter 8:29.  "The one who sent me is with me; he has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases him."  Oh boy...  So where does my sin fit into that verse?  I was all fine and good reading about how God is with us; He never leaves us alone.  Ooh, warm fuzzy frillies.  How wonderful.  But let's read on, folks!  "for I always do what pleases him."  Let me take a moment to reflect upon my day...  have I always done what pleases him?  Mmmm - NOPE! 

Sin Management. 

Week 20: What? Now I'm a Pharisee?!

Day:  139          Verses Memorized:  347          Working On:  John 8:1-11

The John Squad
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My Progress:
This week I discovered that "review weeks" simply do not work.  This was the second time that I set aside a week to go back and review the previous chapters while resisting the temptation to move ahead.  I have now realized that unless I am moving forward, I am not moving at all.  Spending a week on review sounds really great, but when it comes down to it, I wimp out every time.  I get too laid back and even skip days.  So I am going to have to make a new commitment and I'm thankful I have this blog to hold me accountable to actually do it.  I am going to recite one previous chapter each day before I am allowed to spend my time memorizing new verses.  After I realized I wasn't spending the time in review that I should have been, I went on ahead and memorized the first ten verses of Chapter 8 anyway.  (I initially considered not memorizing this section since it says that this story wasn't included in the earliest manuscripts, but then I figured I couldn't say that I memorized the entire book of John, so I reckon I'd better memorize it.)

Some Thoughts:
This one was a real eye-opener.  This is the story of the woman caught in adultery and Jesus makes his famous remark, "if any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."  I've heard this story a trillion times.  But when I took the time to memorize it this week, I began to learn some new things about myself.

First of all, I think we're all on the woman's side on this one.  The poor girl, right?  The Pharisees are just treating her terribly, especially when they "made her stand before the group" and threatened to stone her.  I am just overwhelmed with sympathy for this woman.  I feel so sorry for her.  I am sad that they are treating her that way.  I'm embarrassed for her.  No matter what her situation is, I am totally and completely on her side.  That was Sunday and Monday this week, when I began memorizing this chapter.

Then Tuesday came and I was putting my girls to bed.  We were reading through Exodus and we got to the story of the Ten Commandments.  (Guess what, one of them says that we are not to commit adultery.)  I kissed them goodnight, shut the door and as I walked down the hall, I stopped dead in my tracks.  Why on earth am I so forgiving of this woman's SIN?  Indeed, adultery IS a sin!  Jesus Himself says at the end of this passage, "go now and leave your life of sin".  Think about all the damage and pain that adultery can do to so many relationships.  Why am I so sympathetic toward this woman?

As I reflected on these questions, I started to focus on Jesus and His reaction.  After memorizing 7 chapters now, I can clearly see a pattern in the way that Jesus treats people.  How He loves them.  His patience.  His mercy.  His utter selflessness.  What a beautiful picture of a loving Savior. 

Unfortunately, I had a realization that was just about more than I could bear.  Several weeks ago, I had deep struggles with Chapter 5 and memorizing the story about that stinkin' guy at the Pool of Bethesda.  I was devastated that after hating him so much, I realized that he represented me.  (I still struggle with this story when I go back and review it.  It just makes me sick.)  Well, I began to realize that the reason I side with the adulterous woman is because the teachers of the law and the Pharisees are just so bad.  I would always choose to be on the opposite side of them.  But as I examine how Jesus has love and mercy for the woman caught in sin, I am reminded of this:  Sin is Sin.  Period.  "ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."  That includes the Pharisees, this woman, the man at the pool, and me.  This woman's sin is no better or worse than the Pharisees. 

Obviously, being a Christian for a long time, we come to understand this idea that sin is sin, no matter what.  We know that there are no measures to sin.  There are no "good" sins or "little" sins.  So I'm not sure why this concept has hit me as a new realization this week.  I just always held the Pharisees at a different level than everybody else and thought of them as the enemy.  They're just so easy to hate.  But when I stop and look at Jesus, I see that He treated them with just as much mercy, love, and respect as He did everybody else. 

So I guess I realized that yes, this adulterous woman should receive my mercy and love for her wicked sin (and I should not minimize that sin).  But I also realized that the Pharisees and the teachers of the law should receive my mercy and love for their wicked sin as well.  I need to stop holding a grudge against them and remember that just like the man at the Bethesda Pool, I am just as wretched and sinful.  So not only am I the jerk in Chapter 5...  I'm a Pharisee too.  This is just too much.

Week 19: I'm in the Mob

Day:  132          Verses Memorized:  337          Working On:  Review

The John Squad
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My Progress:
I can't believe I finished Chapter 7 this week!  Maybe it seemed so easy just because Chapter 6 was so long and difficult, or maybe it's because the Holy Spirit is working overtime on me.  Either way, I cruised right through this chapter and it's right up there with Chapter 2 as one of my favorites.  This chapter came real easy to me so I am very encouraged.  I can't wait to see what Chapter 8 is about.

Some Thoughts:
When the Pharisees send temple guards to arrest Jesus and they come back empty-handed, they are quite angry and say, "Has any of the rulers or of the Pharisees believed in him?  No!  But this mob that knows nothing of the law - there is a curse on them."  I am so content to sit here and say that I am a proud member of the mob that knows nothing of the law.  I'm just a happy follower of Jesus. 

A couple times in this chapter, it mentions that people were trying to seize Him, but that no one laid a hand on Him.  It's pretty clear that Jesus was miraculously escaping.  I just like to wonder how He did it.  Did He disappear?  Or did He stop time so that everyone was frozen except Him and then walk away?  That would've been neat to see.

It also shows how Sovereign God is.  There are several references that say "His time had not yet come."  God just has the perfect plan that He will work out in His perfect time.  And since God never changes, I suppose He has all sorts of things planned out for me that will unfold at His time.  Boy, I sure am glad that He's in charge, because I sure can screw things up a lot.

I think it's funny how they talk to Nicodemus.  Obviously, he is coming around and has a very open mind regarding Jesus.  His comment, "does our law condemn anyone without first hearing him to find out what he is doing" isn't even officially supporting Jesus.  He's just telling the Pharisees that they ought to hear the guy out and he gets blasted for it. 

I memorized this chapter so fast that I haven't taken the time to read through my commentaries.  So I plan to slow down this week and read those while intensely reviewing previous chapters before I move onto Chapter 8.

Week 18: Moving Right Along

Day:  125          Verses Memorized:  308          Working On:  Chapter 7:25-41

The John Squad
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My Progress:
Sometimes memorizing comes really easy and thankfully, this was one of those weeks.  I'm usually pretty good at the beginning of the chapters.  It seems that each chapter begins with a story and ends with philosophy.  I'm good at the story parts!  I'm happy that I've broken the 300 verse mark.  I suppose it could be disheartening to think that there are 879 total verses so I still have over 500 to go.  But for now, I'm rejoicing in my accomplishment.

Some Thoughts:
The first part of this chapter is a conversation between Jesus and his brothers.  It was interesting right from the beginning because I never paid much attention to his earthly brothers before.  However, I found it unfortunate that their comments only showed their unbelief, just like everyone else. 

I think it's funny how Jesus says He's not going to the Feast, but then goes anyway in secret.  He must have been quite the mysterious fellow.  (So I guess next time I have to lie so I don't ruin someone's surprise party, I won't have to feel quite as guilty.)

Onward!!



         

Week 17: Review Week

Day:  118          Verses Memorized:  284          Working On:  Reviewing Ch. 1-6

The John Squad
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My Progress:
This week I've been spending my time reviewing the previous 6 chapters before I move on to Chapter  7.  I am very pleased with what I've learned about myself during this past week.  At first, I was very disappointed and frustrated when I felt that I was forgetting previous chapters.  However, after spending just a few days going over each chapter, I realize that these verses have indeed been imprinted upon my heart.  It did not take a lot of effort to refresh my memory and be able to recite each chapter flawlessly again.  I know for sure that as long as I peridocially review these chapters, they'll be in my heart forever.  That is so encouraging and exciting.

Some Thoughts:
When I intially set out to spend the week reviewing the past 6 chapters, I figured I wouldn't have much to blog about, since I already commented on each passage as I went along.  However, I was astonished at how profound a simple "review" experience could be. 

Jesus.
It just amazes me how every word of this book points directly to Jesus.  I didn't realize when I was going through verse by verse, but when you take the time to recite it altogether, you begin to see the big picture.  He is just so awesome, so wonderful, so full of love, so enduring in patience, and so incredibly powerful that no human could ever possibly begin to express his greatness.

People.
We are just so lost.  We are so lost that sometimes we don't even know we're lost!  We are foolish, proud, unbelieving and think we've got it all under control.  We have no idea.  Truly - - - no idea.

I feel like this book goes back and forth and between Jesus and people. 
People are lost.  Jesus seeks them out. 
People are powerless.  Jesus reaches out to them. 
People are weak.  Jesus saves them. 
People deny Him.  Jesus loves them anyway. 

I can't begin to imagine what is still in store for me as I begin to continue on with Chapter 7 this week.  This has truly been a rewarding experience on so many levels, and I'm only 1/3 of the way through.  These brief thoughts only scratch the surface of the transformation that has occured in my heart since I've begun this journey. 

Thank you, Lord for enabling me to come to you and learn from you.  I can comprehend only a fraction of your greatness and it overwhelms me.  Thank you for your Word and for calling me to embark on this journey of memorization.  Thank you for opening my eyes and revealing yourself to me in ways I've never experienced.  Please don't let me get in the way of your work in me.  You are an awesome God.  What a privilege to learn about you as I continue to carve your words into the depths of my heart.
Amen

Week 16: 32.3%

Day:  111         Verses Memorized:  284        Working On: Reviewing Chapters 1-6

The John Squad
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My Progress:
Wahoooo!  I finished Chapter 6!  I have officially memorized 32.3% of the Book of John.  When I first crunched the numbers I thought, "ooh hooray - only .7% and I'll be one-third through."  I figured I'd go memorize a quick verse to get there until I realized that .7 is actually FIVE more verses!  Anyway, we took a long car ride this week to visit family and I was excited to have multiple hours where the children were physically restrained in one place and I could concentrate.  Reading in the car makes me sick, so my husband was able to put Chaper 6 on his ipod so I could memorize it by ear, which was an interesting change of pace.  My thumb cramped up from constantly pushing the button to go backward.  I'm not kidding.  So this week I am going to take a break and go back for review.  I am always way too excited to make more "progress" and just keep plowing forward.  I neglect to spend the necessary time in review to maintain the previous chapters.  So I'm going to spend this week going over Chapters 1-6 and then continue reviewing a previous chapter each day as I progress through Chapter 7.

Some Thoughts:
The rest of Chapter 6 talks about Jesus being the Living Bread that comes down from heaven.  I continued reflecting on how Jesus is spiritual bread and those who come to Him will never go hungry.  It is just amazing how He meets our every need and leaves us wanting nothing.

"No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him."  (6:44)  This whole idea poses so many theological questions and I know that I'll never be able to understand it all.  But what I do know is this:  I am so very, very thankful to be one of those that the Father chose to draw to Himself. 

"From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him."  (v.66)  This verse just made me sad.  

Not my best reciting of a chapter, but give me a break - it's 71 verses.

Week 15: Filling up on Bread

Day:  104          Verses Memorized:  255          Working On:  John 6:25-59

The John Squad
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My Progress:
I had gotten a little stuck there for a couple weeks and the frustration was building.  However, I really feel like I'm back on track and have a new found excitement and motivation lately.  I was able to do 26 verses this week and I'm feeling good.  My biggest discouragement is how much of the previous chapters I'm forgetting.  But I will NOT let that get to me.  My plan is to finish Chapter 6, then take a couple weeks for review.  I think I have several people praying for me and that has to be the reason that my frustration was kept at bay and I am feeling more positive and motivated this week.

Some Thoughts:
So every once in a while, I'll be cooking along memorizing my verses and all of a sudden, one will jump off the page and smack me in the face.  That hadn't happened in a while and I was starting to get concerned that this whole project was becoming more academic than spiritual.  But this week, it happened twice, and I can't tell you how happy I am to hear from the Lord again.

John 6:33  "For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world."  This is one of those verses that's easy to skim through with a 'yeah, yeah' attitude.  But this time, it really hit me hard.  Jesus comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.  To the world!  I have given birth 4 times and let me tell you, it's quite an ordeal.  Thinking that Jesus came down from heaven and gives not only physical life, but spiritual life to the entire world blows my mind.

John 6:51  "This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world."  This one really caught me off guard.  I was in my most-focused memorizing position, sitting with both hands cupped on my forehead and leaning over the pages.  I was saying each verse over, and over, and over.  I got to this verse and KaBam-O!  My mind came to a complete halt.  It was like I ran a hundred miles an hour into a brick wall.  Can you imagine Jesus standing there talking to these unbelieving people, many of them having the utmost contempt for Him in their hearts?  Can you imagine Him physically in your midst, close enough that you could reach out and touch his body?  To see Him standing there and say, "I will give my flesh for the life of the world." is just incomprehensible.  He gave His flesh.  He gave us everything.  And the life He is talking about is something far better and greater than we are even able to imagine.  Who can understand that?! 

The most profound and self-sacrificing statement that was made at my house this week was, "I'll let you have some of my ice cream."  And that statement was rewarded with a 10 minute praising session on how wonderful and giving it was to make such a sacrifice. 

There is just so much in this passage when you slow down and meditate on it verse by verse.  I love it when Jesus says "I am the bread of life.  He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."  I don't know how anyone can read the Scriptures and feel anything else other than gratitude and unworthiness.  And I think it's amazing that just when I think Jesus is the most awesome He can be, I learn something new and He is even more awesome to me than before.  It's overwhelming.

I would encourage you to look over this passage sometime.  Meditate on what it means for Jesus to be bread.  Think about how hunger is one of the most basic needs of life.  Remember how it feels to be starving hungry and then how it feels to eat a piece of bread.  Bread from heaven that gives life to the world.  Amazing.

Week 14: A Fleet of Boats

Day:  96          Verses Memorized:  228          Working On:  John 6:16-24

The John Squad
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My Progress:
Well I sure am glad that I was gung-ho in the beginning and got some verses in the bank because I'm thankful I have the wiggle-room now.  I thought that during the summer I would have more time to spend memorizing, but it seems the days are too unstructured and there are so many fun things going on.  My husband is home for the summer and we really treasure our family time together.  By the time things settle down in the evening, I'm just wiped out.  These are not excuses.  These are just reasons why I'm not learning as much now.  I'm feeling a little disappointed and guilty about it.  But as far as the big picture goes, right now I'm about 3 months ahead of schedule.  I never thought I'd be able to learn 228 verses in less than 100 days, so I guess I should celebrate that.  However, the negative thoughts in my mind are continuing to increase...

Some Thoughts:
Dagnabbit there sure are a lot of boats in this passage!  Every other word is "boat".  Come on, John, find a synonym or use a pronoun for crying out loud! 

Since right now, all they're doing is rowing back and forth across the Sea of Galilee in boats, I don't have that many thoughts.  However, I do wonder why John is including all these details.

Week 13: Feasting on Five Loaves

Day:  89          Verses Memorized:  223          Working On:  John 6:1-15

The John Squad
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My Progress:
Things are moving along quite well.  I'm memorizing the passage about the feeding of the 5,000.  It's not that difficult to learn and I'm picking it up fast.  However, I'm disappointed with the amount of time I've been able to spend on it.  This week is VBS at church, so I've either been working on that or feeling wiped out from it.  But I still spend a few moments a day reviewing and while it is going slowly, I am still making progress.

I'm a little disappointed at my lack of retention of previous chapters.  I'm not sure how to hang onto the older chapters while I work on the new ones.  I have to be honest, there have been a few moments where I have heard the voice in my head say, "give up, Heidi.  This is pointless.  You're forgetting it all anyway so why continue?"  I quickly try to ignore that voice and consciously choose to pursue my goal and not buy into that lie.  But those nagging, negative thoughts are beginning to creep in more and more often.

Some Thoughts:
I never knew that the loaves of bread were barley, and that was the cheapest type of bread.  It's almost like the water into wine - the simplest, most inexpensive material being turned into an overwhelming surplus of the best.  That's Jesus for you!

I love Jesus in this passage.  (Well, I love Him all the time, but He makes me smile extra in this particular passage.)  I love how Jesus asks Philip where they're going to buy bread for everyone and in the next verse says "he asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do."  I just think that's funny.  I wonder what Jesus was thinking when He asked Philip.  I like how the disciples scramble around trying to figure out the logistics of feeding the people in their human minds.

I love how Jesus is orderly and organized.  (I am a rather organized person myself and thrive when things are neat and in their place. I also fall back on "God is a God of order" whenever I feel like my organization goes slightly overboard.)  I like how Jesus got everyone seated and had a planned system for distributing the food.  He just seems so calm and collected and doesn't let the enormity of the situation fluster or stress Him. 

So the past few weeks, I've been annoyed with the Jews and Pharisees for persecuting Him.  Now, I'm starting to get annoyed at the people following Him too.  I guess I always thought that even though He was persecuted, He always had such a huge following of believers as well.  But as I'm reading through various commentaries, I'm beginning to realize that a great majority of His "followers" were merely thrill-seekers looking for shows and miracles.  They did not understand who He was, His message, or why He was there.  They weren't following Him to hear from God, they were following Him because He was interesting.  That's disappointing to learn.

I wonder where I would have been if Jesus had come to my town back then.  Would I be following Him because I was seeking God?  Would I be following Him to watch Him do some cool stuff?  As I reflect on those questions, I sadly realize that I would be the one back in Chapter 5 at that stinking pool of Bethesda...

Week 12: Welcome Chapter 6!

Day:  82          Verses Memorized:  213          Working On:  John 6:1-15

The John Squad
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My Progress:
I can't believe it but I finished Chapter 5!  Wahoo!  Onward to Chapter 6!

Some Thoughts:

Chapter 5 was a tough pill to swallow.  I don't enjoy thinking about how I'm just like those guys who despised Jesus and yet, I do despise Him every time I choose to disobey.  I need to get rid of the pride in my life and keep things in perspective.  Who do I think I am?  I'm certainly not as great as I think, that's for sure.

At any rate, I'm looking forward to Chapter 6 and all its 70 verses.

Week 11: Getting Aggravated

Day:  75          Verses Memorized:  196          Working On: John 5: 31-47

The John Squad
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My Progress:
I am still making steady progress through Chapter 5, although I still find it quite difficult.  I'm up to a passage where Jesus is doing a lot of theological talking and it's just plain hard to remember.  I'll be happy when this chapter is over, although I peeked at Chapter 6 and it seems pretty similar. 

Some Thoughts:
I was thrilled to be done with that Pool of Bethesda guy.  I couldn't stand thinking about him and it was unbearable to think that he was a representation of me.  Unfortunately, the next passage led me to many of the same stinking thoughts about myself.

I just get so annoyed with the Pharisees when they don't accept Jesus.  They argue their petty little things and completely miss the point of everything.  I kept pausing at the verse, "For this reason, the Jews tried all the harder to kill him."  I would just get mad at them for persecuting and rejecting Him.  Then I started asking myself, "for what reason do I kill Him?"  My own disobedience and sin nails Him to the cross on a daily basis.  I would even say that I am worse than the Jews in this passage.  At least they openly rejected Him.  It was clear where they stood.  But me - I am totally different.  I claim to be a child of God.  I profess that I am a follower.  Then, I turn around and mock Him by giving in to sin.  I say that I am on His side, and I betray Him.  Frequently.

All these thoughts have the potential of leading me down a road of unforgiveable guilt and failure.  I admit that I did feel that way for a couple days when I was learning about that guy at the pool.  But now, I am just all the more thankful for God's wonderful grace and mercy.  I have a deeper understanding of the Gospel and the magnitude of what Jesus did for me.  I am humbled.  I pray that this will be my permanent attitude.






 

Week 10: A Humbling Realization

Day:  68          Verses Memorized:  184          Working On:  John 5: 19-30

The John Squad
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My Progress:
Chapter 5 is not easy.  It is probably the hardest one I've encountered thus far.  Not only are there odd phrases and varied repititions, but the content has been making me so angry that I easily get distracted while trying to memorize.  Nevertheless, I am trucking along and happily approaching 200 verses.  I know I have a long way to go, but I'm trying to celebrate my victories.

Some Thoughts:
Okay so this guy is just the biggest jerk in the universe.  Chapter 5:1-18 describes the healing of a man at the Pool of Bethesda.  And I just can't stand him!  I never thought that I would have such a strong and powerful reaction against a person from centuries ago, but this guy is a real piece of work.

Things I notice about the man:

• He is the ultimate victim.  Just lying there for years. 
• When asked if he wants to get well, he answers with an excuse.  Furthermore, his excuse blames other people for not helping him!
• He shows absolutely not a single ounce of recognition or gratitude for his miraculous healing.
• He goes and tattles to the Jews about Jesus!  The bozo throws Jesus right under the bus!! ARG!

Things I notice about Jesus:

• He approaches the man and offers His help, even though the man wasn't seeking it.
• When the man answers his question with an excuse, Jesus heals him anyway.
• Jesus stuck His own neck out by healing the man on the Sabbath, knowing that it would stir up controversy.
• Later, Jesus seeks the man out and approaches him at the temple.  He checks up on him.
• Jesus tries to point the man in the right direction by advising him to turn from his sin.

My shocking, humbling, and slightly depressing realization:

Sadly, I am that man!

Every single time I read through this passage and worked on memorizing its verses, I struggled to get through it because I just began to dwell on how angry I was at this guy for his attitude.  And every single time I pinpointed my source of anger, God would remind me to take a closer look at myself.  My pride would not allow me to fully grasp the depth of this concept until I asked my Pastor his thoughts on the passage.  (I am so deeply thankful that I have two wonderful Pastors who are Biblically grounded in their teaching and always willing to offer their help and guidance.)  He emailed me the following:

I don't like this guy either.  That was what I dealt with in the lesson on this passage.  The problem is that guy is us!  That is what I believe God wants us to see from this story. Jesus has done so much for us we can't even begin to understand it all, yet we throw Him under the bus every time we do things our way instead of His way.  We see ourselves as victims of sin instead of victors over sin.  We quit trying because we can't seem to conquer the 1 or 2 sins that affect us the most.  We try to do things by ourselves instead of being totally dependant on Jesus.  The end result is the world sees Jesus as meaningless because we aren't what we should be.  It is an awful story that depicts how depraved we are when we aren't totally focused on Jesus.

I still don't like the guy.  I like the guy he represents in me, even less!

Well... that about sums it up!