The John Squad
Please click here to chart your own progress - even though I'm the only one still doing this
My Progress:
After cooking through Chapter 7, I was very pumped and motivated to begin Chapter 8. That enthusiasm has now completely deflated and I am wearily trudging through the middle verses of this neverending chapter. Why is it sometimes "Jesus replied" and then "Jesus said" and sometimes "Jesus declared". Argh! There is so much dialogue in this chapter and some of the thoughts seem disconnected to me, so it's very difficult to remember. I am still holding to my own rule of reviewing at least one previous chapter per day. While that has proven to be VERY discouraging, I refuse to jump on the negative bandwagon. Onward onward onward.
Some Thoughts:
Last week I was feeling pretty down. It seems every time I recognize how wretched a sinner I am, I learn something else and realize I am even more wretched than I thought before. This week, I was faced with the verse, "Everyone who sins is a slave to sin." Well that's just great. So not only am I the jerk at the Bethesda Pool and a Pharisee, now I am a slave to sin. In bondage. Shackles and chains.
8:36 "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." I have no choice but to cling to this verse with both hands as tightly as I can grasp. I will be free. He even says "indeed". Thank you, Lord, for including the word "indeed". I love that word. You leave no room for doubt. I will be free indeed.
God seems to have a way of using our Pastor to deliver certain messages at certain times. Last year, when we got tired of cutting our neighbor's grass, we heard a message about how Jesus washed Judas' feet and how we are to serve our enemies in love. We are still cutting her grass. A few years ago, when we got sick of teaching Sunday School and felt entitled to a break, we heard a message on persevering and continuing to serve the body of Christ. We are still teaching Sunday School. Before that, we felt like we were struggling financially and deserved to keep a little extra cash for ourselves. Then we heard a message on how the first 10% is God's, not ours. We are still tithing 10%.
So last week, I was feeling all sorry for my sinful self. "Woe is me, I am such a sinner. Look at me, the slave to sin..." And wouldn't you know it, Pastor gives a message on obedience. But wait one cotton-pickin' minute. Not just any old normal "obeying" obedience. This obedience was different. This goes beyond doing what you're supposed to do. He got right down the root of the matter - our heart. Why obey? Why? What is the motive for obeying? Seriously! Ask yourself! What is your motive for obeying?
This past Sunday morning, I learned that we are not to obey because we have to. We shouldn't obey because we want to avoid guilt. We shouldn't obey out of duty or obligation or because it's the right thing to do. Our obedience is to be motivated by our LOVE for Jesus! In other words, we should obey because we WANT to!
On first hearing this, I got very angry. I was even more frustrated than ever. I wiggled around in that pew thinking, "oh great, Pastor. So first, I'm struggling with the awful reality that I am a slave to sin. Now I've been trying my darndest to obey all week - and I was wrong for that too because my heart wasn't in the right stinking place!"
My week continued on and I faithfully rose from slumber at 4:30 to meet with the Lord. I found myself just begging Him to change me. And it wasn't the typical prayer, "dear Lord, help me to change my heart." It was a desperate prayer of, "dear Lord, change my heart, because I am helpless!" I can't do it. I can't do anything. Nothing!
Thankfully, after all this wrestling and struggle, I finally came to some comforting realizations. Yes, I am a terrible sinner. Yes, I can obey some of the time. But no, I cannot obey all the time. And if I do obey, my heart is often not in the right place, so it isn't really true obedience. Seems like an impossible predicament? No! "If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." I realize that I need to rely on Jesus for absolutely
E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!
Not only the strength and perseverance to resist temptation, but the desire and motivation to do so because of my deep love for my precious Savior! I need to stop praying "Lord give me the strength to not gossip today" and start praying "Lord, make me love you more." I need to stop praying "Jesus, help me to resist temptation" and start praying "Jesus, make my love for you so deep and so strong that I can't even see temptation because my eyes are so focused on You." So I know I'm a terrible sinner. I know how much I need Jesus. I rejoice that the Son has set me free indeed. From now on, I'm going to stop trying to "do" all the right things and start to fall in love with Jesus.
Dear Jesus, make me love you more.
No comments:
Post a Comment