My Progress:
This week, I finished Chapter 21. The feeling is surreal. This is, by far, my greatest spiritual accomplishment. But at the same time, I know that the journey has not ended and I will continue to review each Chapter for a very, very long time. In the meantime, I will spend the next week or two compiling my thoughts in order to write one final post and conclude my blog.
Okay, so I know I've said this before, but I think 21 is one of my favorite Chapters.
"He called out to them, 'Friends, haven't you any fish?'" I love this verse. After saying, "peace be with you" and talking with Thomas in Chapter 20, these are among some of the first words John records Jesus saying to His disciples after the resurrection. He calls them friends! Just a few short verses ago, they had abandoned Him. They ran away in fear. They betrayed Him. Multiple times! And here He is, standing on the shore, calling out to them, "friends" and helping to provide for their immediate need, catching fish. I can just picture the kindness in His face. I imagine Him waving His hand to them with a smile and inviting them over to the fire where He has prepared a breakfast for them. What a picture of forgiveness, love, and provision.
And then there's Peter. Ah, Peter, Peter. I feel like I know him as if he were my own brother. I think after my study in the Gospel of John, I would like to learn more about Peter. First of all, I love that he and John ran to the tomb in Chapter 20. (As a runner, I also love how John is sure to mention 3 times that he can run faster than Peter.) Then, in the boat, when John points out that Jesus is on the shore, Peter jumps right into the water. I admire his love and devotion to the Lord, even in the midst of his weakness and failures.
Then comes the heartwrenching reinstatement of Peter. Jesus asks him three times if he loves Him. This is one of those passages where the commentary was crucial for my understanding. First of all, Jesus already gave Simon the name Peter back in Chapter 1. But here, he uses his former name of Simon, almost the way a parent might use a child's full name if they're trouble. Jesus is asking if Peter loves Him (agape/full devotion love). But Peter answers that he only loves Him (phileo/strong feeling love). He knows that he can't profess agape love to Jesus after he betrayed him three times. Then, the third time, Jesus changes and uses phileo, which totally crushes Peter's feelings. The way I understand it, the passage would almost read like this:
Jesus: Simon, do you truly love, love me with all your heart?
Peter: Yes Lord, you know that I really like you a lot.
Jesus: Simon, do you truly love, love me with all your heart?
Peter: Yes Lord, you know that I really like you a lot.
Jesus: Simon, do you really even like me a lot?
Peter: (Crushed and heartbroken) Lord, you know everything. Surely you know how much I love you.
Peter has no answer. All he could do was appeal to Jesus' omniscience and say, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you." I feel like that sometimes. Sometimes I sit in prayer and have no idea what to say and I dwell there with the hope that Jesus just understands and knows. I know that I have no ability to keep any promises to Him unless He enables me to do it. It's just amazing how much we need Jesus for absolutely everything.
Then came the ultimate heartbreaking passage. I reckon this is the last time I will be taken off guard and find myself crying while memorizing verses in John. "When you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." These words ripped my heart out. I just love Peter so much and to hear Jesus say those words to him was so disturbing. Hard to explain my thoughts on this one. It just made me really sad.
879 verses. 21 chapters. 1 Gospel of John.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Jesus.
Additional Thoughts:
Have you ever watched someone realize they have lost their wallet? Or their phone? These days, wallets, keys, and phones are an absolute necessity for daily living. If they get lost, it is a serious crisis! People search frantically, beating their pockets as if they smack them enough times, it's going to magically appear.
Well... that was me this past week. I lost my Book of John. I have a little copy that I carry around with me. It goes with me everywhere. (To be quite honest, I have several copies: one on the treadmill, one by my bed, and one in the diaper bag. ...I should note that the diaper bag is considered my purse.) So I got into bed one night and turned on my little lamp to study my verses and the book was gone! I could instantly feel my heart beating faster as I ran around the house in a desperate and frantic search.
Long story short, I found it under the bed. A child (they're everywhere around this place) had gone into my room and messed up all my stuff (that happens from time to time). He or she had gathered a nice little pile of my belongings under the bed and there on the top, was my precious Book of John. As the crisis was averted, I sat back down in bed with my heart racing. It wasn't long before I realized the level of importance that this book has achieved in my life. While I was aggravated at whichever child had done this despicable act (and at myself for obviously not providing adequate supervision), I was overcome with joy to know that God's Word has become so infinitely valuable in my life; that I would search for it with all my might, as if I had lost my wallet, or keys, or phone. And how much more satisfying to know that I have every one of those 879 verses carved into my heart so that this book is truly always with me, even without the paper and the binding.
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